If you read this you will die in the next 24 hours unless you pass this on to a minimum of 5 people on your friend's list.
Oh shit, I just proof-read what I just wrote I'm going to fucking die! (forward forward forward forward...) FUCK, I only have four friends, who can I befriend in the next 24 hours?
"YOU THERE!"
"Who Me?'
"YES, YOU BOY! What day is it?"
"WHY, It's Christmas morning sir!"
"THEN BUY ME THE BIGGEST GOOSE IN ALL THE LAND!" (flips him a coin) "AND BUY YOURSELF A SEVENTEEN FOOT LONG CUSTARD ROLL! MAKE SURE THE FILLING IS FRESH THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN A PASTRY WITH 2 YEAR OLD CUSTARD! BY tHE WAY HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
"Seven!"
"WELL I'LL BE A MONKEY'S NUTSACK! OFF YOU GO! DON'T KEEP THE CHANGE BUT CHANGE YOUR DEMEANOR- and for GOD SAKES YOUR TOES ARE POKING OUT OF YOUR TOE SOCKS!"
"But my toes need to breathe-"
"I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! If you REALLY want to breathe I'll take you to an oxygen bar and get you drunk and take advantage of you! Just kidding, I don't like little boys, OR DO I? Don't look at me that way- I'M EDGY! OFF YOU GO!"
"I shall report you to the authorities!"
"Tell them I have seven infants buried in my back yard while you're at it!"
"Seven?"
"YES THAT NUMBER DOES KEEP COMING UP DOESN'T IT? AIN'T THAT A DOOZLE! QUIT STALLING THE CUSTARDS ARE CALLING!"
"Yes sir!"
"Hmmm...maybe I should've filtered myself a bit, the boy is young and he probably doesn't know what a nutsack is, let alone a monkey's"
(curtain drops)
(massive applause)
"AU-THOR, AU-THOR!"
(Martin appears on the stage and an overhead projection of his nutsack appears above him on a screen. He throws his arm up with a welcoming gesture. The applause dies down)
"For...the seven year olds."
(the theater explodes with admiration)
(Martin pours gasoline on himself)
"THIS IS FOR MARGARET THATCHER!"
(he lights a match, bursts into flames)
"GYAHHHHHH!!!!"
(the audience flees for the exits, applauding for their lives)
seriously, now you're going to die since you read this. If you don't forward this immediately someone you know will die first. If this appears in your junk mail then your mailman has died. If you move the junkmail to your inbox then the junkman has died, and has left a bag of recyclables weighing 50 pounds (there's money to be had in cans!)
Better yet though, if you disregard this, then expect a menu on your door to a local Thai restaurant- TOMORROW. If you don't have a door, Im afraid your armchair will collapse the next time you scramble scramble eggs. :(
we're all losers in the end.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Friday, November 16, 2012
Happy100 List
Here's what makes me happy:
1. Pictures of my friends with their newborn babies. It's pretty incredible. Or their little babies are growing up into cute kids, with hilarious mannerisms.
2. Big Mama's and Papa's Pizzeria. That cheese lover's pizza is out of sight.
3. Running into friends on the street. I love those spontaneous curve balls life throws you, you run into someone, have a great conversation. I bottomed out emotionally one night and I decided to walk it out of my system. I ran into Chris Johnson on Hollywood Blvd and we talked for an hour. He's a hilarious guy and he gave me some good advice. I love being around funny people and it's a treat to see someone from my old job, I worked with a lot of amazing people in the past. I miss having all those people within reach.
4. Listening to random radio stations and finding incredible music while I'm writing.
5. Old Hypecast episodes from Firstshowing.net. My brother Barry, Dave, Alex, and Josh were the best combination of younger and older movie geeks, having it out. Split on movies like The Fountain, Tideland, and Saw 3, it made for some entertaining banter.
6. The weird hours of the morning where LA is finally silent. It's eerie and lovely.
7. Performing in front of a camera in any form. I'm a huge ham.
8. Hiding out at the Silent Theatre and watching movies I've never heard of. Being around movie lovers.
9. Earwolf podcasts. For my comedy fix, I LOVE Improv4Humans, Comedy Bang Bang, and How Did This Get Made?
10. Road trip!
11. Listening to my dad go on and on about The Human Centipede. Or any movie really, especially when he yells at my stepmom, when he can't remember a detail, "What was that movie called?"
12. My mom's goofy voicemail messages. She tried a German accent on the last one.
13. Walking home from the gym full of energy.
14. Watching my talented friends do something hilarious for the camera.
15. Supporting other filmmakers or passionate people with cool projects.
16. Reading my horror movie magazines. Rue Morgue, HorrorHound, Fangoria and whatever I can get my hands on.
17. Taking pictures. I gotta get a new camera.
18. When I let all my shit go and start dancing.
19. When my brother and I start laughing uncontrollably at some spur-of-the-moment lunacy.
20. Seeing an amazing band live! Electricity in the air.
21. Watching bad movies with good friends.
22. When someone actually quotes something that we shot, haha- it blows my mind.
23. Little kids reactions to my cat puppet.
24. Garlic bread.
25. Alex and Louise's wedding. That was a good one.
26. Any excuse to dress up in costumes.
27. Anything involving fake blood.
28. When I make it to the bus, just in time!
29. Marching up Runyan Canyon with all the happy doggies.
30. Social nights with lots of drinking, laughter and spontaneity.
31. Listening to the rain.
32. Getting indie films in the mail!
33. Making Mac and Cheese pancakes. I like cooking for someone in general, just need to expand my menu.
34. Photobooths.
35. A good burger and fries.
36. A smile from a beautiful woman.
37. Waking up and remembering I don't have to work.
38. Editing something really funny. Then adding a sound effect that makes it HILARIOUS.
39. Going to The Farmer's Market.
40. Art Exhibits.
41. Being next to Lon Chaney's make up case.
42. Taking a picture with a hero. I wish I'd remember to lose the damn backpack when that happens, I look like a douche!
43. Big hugs.
44. Listening to a good storyteller. Whether it's a nightmare audition, or some random experience, I admire anyone who has storytelling skills.
45. A roaring fireplace.
46. A magical theatre experience. Rarely happens, but seeing an awesome play probably inspires me more than anything. I want to run home and write dialogue.
47. Film festivals are crazy fun! I can't wait to go again. It is my dream to travel the world some day with a film.
48. Sharing old pics and videos.
49. Petting a friendly animal.
50. Getting a window seat. I like to rest my head.
51. A long hot shower.
52. A great cup of coffee and an everything bagel with cream cheese.
53. Taking a trip to see a friend.
54. Eating dinner with my family.
55. A star-filled sky.
56. Maui.
57. Arcades.
58. Cookie Ice Cream Sandwiches.
59. Rum and Coke.
60. Meeting someone new.
61. Riding my bike.
62. A hand-written letter.
63. Sam Cooke and Jackie Wilson
64. The smell of vanilla.
65. Tickets to some posh place where I clearly don't belong.
66. Singing with someone in the car.
67. My cousins.
68. Grossing people out.
69. Dave Chappelle.
70. Looking through Amoeba Music.
71. A first kiss.
72. Packing up equipment when we wrap on a shoot.
73. My feet crunching in the snow.
74. Milkshakes.
75. A deadline.
76. Bad wigs.
77. A roaring fire.
78. Halloween!
79. Thanksgiving!
80. My birthday!
81. A woman running her hands through my hair.
82. Making lists.
83. Adding something movie-related to my apartment.
84. Exploring.
85. My box office family.
86. Double-features and Midnight shows.
87. Making someone laugh.
88. Shooting without permits.
89. Outdoor BBQs!
90. Driving a rental.
91. Making skits with my Colorado friends.
92. The color blue.
93. Humming birds.
94. Friends I can count on.
95. All day movie marathons with Bryan.
96. Riding a train.
97. Rooftops with an awesome view.
98. Shooting stars.
99. Crazy sunsets.
100. Komodas Bakery
Monday, November 12, 2012
Horror Movie Checklist 2012
I knocked out quite a few titles this Halloween. I'll give a lazy man's synopsis, followed by some quick thoughts and a grade.
REC
Fun little shaky cam scare-fest about an apartment building thats been quarantined. We follow a fearless reporter into an infected tenant's dwelling and all hell breaks loose. The section in the attic is really chilling. B-
The Ring
Finally saw it! Killer VHS tape+phone call= bad omen. Atmospheric and scary to be sure. Above average cast makes the story a little more credible, but that's not really the point anyway. Gore Verbinski can direct any genre! B+
Let's Scare Jessica To Death
Now that's a good title! Eerie and well-directed 70's ghost story about a woman named Jessica who has just been released from an insane asylum after having a meltdown. She's doing better now...until she moves into a weirdo town in the country, and stays in a haunted house! Jessica and her hippie friends encounter a vampire, some kooky locals, and there's something in the pond out back! Occasionally cheesy, but has some very effective moments too. Zohra Lampert (Jessica) is terrific- her performance carries the whole movie. B-
PontyPool
Shock jock has been kicked off the airwaves and is relocated to a small town where some unusual things are going on. Hot damn, this movie starts terrific, the first 45 minutes are purely dialogue, but gets the imagination going! Then we're forced to swallow this concept, and it does NOT go down easy. From there it gets way too heavy-handed and stupid. Too bad, because I love the shock-jock actor, the reports of mayhem coming into the station, it's a great way to build suspense. Frustrating experience. C-
Slaughter High
Heartless bullies torture and humiliate ultimate nerd..."Marty" Oh, and then they accidentally burn him alive in a lab explosion. Cut to high school reunion, where only the same kids show up, and they're knocked off one by one, by who else? Cheaply shot and made, this makes Troma look posh! Boring and stupid. F
The Last Exorcism
Awesome documentary-style chiller about a charlatan Reverend Marcus,who coasts on his theatrics and charisma, but is wholly unprepared to encounter an actual threat when he visits a possessed girl in Louisiana. The cast is flawless, which makes it seem all too real- there's no CGI that I know of, and there are two star-making performances, Patrick Fabian and Ashley Bell. The ending is sort of a letdown, but still a fun ride. A-
Halloween III
Doctor Tom Atkins and grief-stricken junior detective, Stacy Alkin, must know what's going on with those Shamrock masks! Awful performances and even worse dialogue is occasionally so bad it's funny, but the movie drags. One effective sequence involves an obnoxious family subjected to the Shamrock promo, but nothing in this movie makes any sense. Good for a few laugh-out-loud moments, but good luck getting those commercials out of your head. D+
Dust Devil
Serial killer dressed like a gunslinger, hitchhikes across the South African desert, occasionally murdering and baffling police with beheadings and colorful crime sites. The movie is gorgeous and impressively shot. The hitchhiker is the least interesting thing about the movie, but everyone else is great! It gets a little too artsy fartsy for its own good, but that aside, there are some awesome stunts and you get the feeling the director nearly killed himself to making this movie. Definitely a one-of-a-kind experience, this guy also directed the robot killer movie, "Hardware" B+
Excision
Annalyne Mccord plays a social outcast with no shortage of eccentricities or weirdo surgical dreams. Let's just say that her turns-ons are probably limited to pain and hurting others. This movie just didn't do it for me. The cast is definitely not at fault, Traci Lords is fantastic as the mother! Annalyne is good too, but she's clearly a gorgeous woman, uglied up for this movie- almost to a comical effect. It could've been way more subtle, they made her hideous. Sure it's amusing to see John Waters and Malcolm McDowell pop up too, but it's still a ho-hum expreience. See MAY instead! C-
The Initiation
Daphne Zuniga's first film is sort of a yawner. As a child she witnessed her father getting burned, and from there we get a series of murders/red herrings that truly throw you off track. Too bad it's barely worth it, the 2nd half in the mall DRAGS. The twist is so stupid, but it did have me guessing. D-
Fade To Black
Christopher Dennis (Grown-up Eddie in Stephen King's IT) is a movie fanatic living with an evil wheel-chair bound mother, who detests everything he does. He works at a movie studio, and is harrassed by a very young Mickey Rourke! Anyway, he meets the girl of his dreams- the most jaw-dropping Marilyn Monroe look-a-like I've ever seen! Like most of these movies, the girlfriend thing doesn't work out, and he finally snaps from all the torment, killing his mother and dressing up like his favorite movie monsters/villains. A series of dated impersonations and good make-up does not make a memorable killer. Another disappointment with a good cast. D+
Bad Dreams
Nightmare On Elm Street clone involves former cult member (Jennifer Rubin), who bailed on a group suicide, and survived a fire. Now she's in group therapy, and safe in her new hospital environment...or so she thinks. Sizzled sausage-face cult leader starts turning up to torment her, patients start dying- run Nancy run! Oh, wrong character. Rubin is a good actress, and Dean Cameron is great as another high strung patient. Some creative kills and a kick-ass soundtrack boost this wannabee to an above-average experience. B+
Evilspeak
COOPERSMITH! Hey COOPERSMITH! Get over here Coopersmith! Clint Howard plays Coopersmith, so get ready for a fun drinking game. They say his name about 30-40 times. For some inexplicable reason he wants to summon the devil, I guess because he can't stand to hear his name every 30 seconds, and wants to shake things up! Clint Howard is very sympathetic and good here, but he's too nice a guy, I don't believe he'd want to kill anybody. Every scene drags an extra 2 minutes too long, but if you can hang in there for the ending, it's pretty hilarious. It's not every day you get to see someone eaten by a pig, or a flying Clint Howard donning a sword. D+
Dark Night Of The Scarecrow
Solid TV movie about a group of trigger-happy rednecks that suspect a mentally challenged man in the near-demise of a young girl. Before the authorities can get involved, they shoot him, and get away with it...for awhile. Charles Durning is masterful as always as the leader of the posse- the friendly neighborhood mailman, with a pretty nasty secret. His buddies are vanquished one-by-one, and Durning thinks the mother of the victim might have something to do with it. The body count increases, and Durning starts to lose his cool. Dig the truly creepy scarecrow and a satisfying climax. B+
Cabin In The Woods
Kids go to cabin in the woods. Bad stuff happens. That was easy. Did I care about them? No. Does that matter? Probably not. The whole point of the movie is the unique Truman Show-like setting, so with that said, it was a fun device. The last 30 minutes were imaginative and had a whole lot of eye candy. C+
VHS
Anthology movies are usually hit or miss. This one misses most of the marks. Some very effective and creepy moments, but extremely mean-spirited and full of reprehensible male characters. I HATED two segments, enjoyed three segments, and the wraparound story didn't amount to much. You could do a lot worse though, try sitting through Trapped Ashes. C+
The Freeway Maniac
This feels like one of those late night movies you'd catch on the USA network at 3am. It's GOD-AWFUL, but it's worth watching for the killer. Every time he was on screen, I was dying with laughter. Truly one of the best villains ever, he doesn't lumber around and take his time- this asshole SPRINTS. He throws a man off a ten story tower and then JUMPS ON TOP OF HIM, body-slamming the guy! There's a priceless scene where he's tied to a chair in court and with no warning GOES BESERK, you have to find a clip on youtube, it's worth it. There's a sub-plot about this terrible sci-fi movie production that's being shot, and the killer sneeks on the set. There's endless mind-numbing scenes of a sleazy producer hitting on the cast, and the lead actress's agent trying to negotiate....(snores) SO bad, but the killer and his victims are outstanding, it's like they cast a bunch of stunt men and let them go nuts. D-
Bride of the Re-Animator
Disappointing sequel, with some moments of ingenuity here and there. The direction is really stale until the very end. The effects are fun though and Jeffrey Combs is great as always. Major points for bringing Dr. Carl back! The movie finally empties its bag of tricks in the last 30 minutes, where it goes bonkers. C+
The Thing From Another World
Sorry old timers, I don't care how effective this was, give me Kurt Russell and John Carpenter. This movie started it all, and it's fast with the quips and snappy dialogue, but to the point where nobody takes a breath like a real life person- they're all waiting for the next line! None of these actors stick out, they're interchangeable studio stock players, the star is the script, and the monster. The romance IS cute, I'll give it that. The action scenes are very well done, and the ending does generate some excitement, but Carpenter's remake improved every aspect of the original. C+
Possession
Wow! This movie is completely nuts. Imagine if "War of the Roses" was directed by Lars Von Trier. This is a horror movie about a brutal divorce. Sam Neil tries to patch things up, but his wife is beyond communication, and she has started bunking with someone else. When Sam decides to snoop around, things take an extra turn for the surreal. It's brilliantly shot and Isabelle Adjani's performance is unforgettable. She won a special Best Actress award from Cannes and deservedly so. You'll never forget the subway scene, it'll leave you speechless. This movie will challenge you, some may find it unintentionally funny at times, but it fascinated me. A true original. A-
Demons
Lamberto Bava directs this amusing punk-rock zombie flick about a bunch of theater-goers (and one pimp) that attend a sneak preview. As the gore happens on screen, a barely explained zombie plague happens off-screen, launching an all-out zombie attack on the audience. Featuring some hilariously dubbed dialogue, a kick-ass 80's soundtrack with Billy Idol and Motley Crew, a knife fight between a pimp and zombie, some over-the-top gore, and a classic motorcycle showdown! Completely ridiculous and great entertainment! B+
Anguish
Here's another movie within a movie. Michael Lerner plays a weirdo under his mother's hypnosis, carving out people's eyeballs at her command. His mother is played by the psychic lady from Poltergeist. It starts out a routine slasher movie, but then it's revealed that there's an audience watching Michael Lerner in a theater. Sort of like the gimmick in, "Rubber" Then this movie actually tries to legitimately hypnotize YOU, pretty nifty, but only succeeds in brainwashing a member of the audience- HE goes on a killing spree in the theater. Take away the gimmick and there's nothing here, (the movie within the movie is nothing special) but it's nice to see a horror movie try something different. C-
Inferno
Supposed to be somewhat of a loose sequel to "Suspiria" but I couldn't really follow the plot anyway. There's an investigation of murders, a witch's
cove, and the usual Argento weirdness. Talk about a gorgeous movie. Every scene has colorful lighting. There are a couple of insane moments that I will never forget, involving a hot dog vendor- it's so completely out of left field and laugh-out-loud funny. Wonder what Peta thinks of the cat scenes- I was joking to my buddy that, "Let The Right One In" didn't have a choice, they had to CGI the cats going nuts, you wouldn't want to put the actors in danger no? Well Argento has done it. People are THROWING REAL CATS at the actor. I wish there was behind-the-scenes footage. There's also a beautifully shot underwater scene. Definitely worth a look. C+
Sleepaway Camp
This is a terrible move, but unlike Slaughter High, it has plenty of camp value and memorable WHAT THE *%@! moments. The twist at the ending/final shot is truly disturbing. There is a casualness to pedophilia in this movie that is jaw-dropping in its bad taste. The opening boating accident is HILARIOUS, along with the over-the-top mother, who seems to be in a completely different film. I had the pleasure of watching this, so I could follow it up with Paul Scheer's awesome podcast, "How Did This Get Made" which I highly recommend for bad movie cinefiles. You can listen to that episode here:
http://www.earwolf.com/episode/sleepaway-camp/
Or watch Sleepaway Camp in its entirety first! Youtube has the whole movie here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePkcsSvnu0I
Anyway, probably a great bad movie night with friends- plenty of laughs and crazy moments to merit a watch. D+
Here's a quick list of fun horror movies that more people should see. Nothing too grim, all a fun watch:
1. Spider Baby
2. Them!
3. The Green Slime
4. Dead Alive
5. Critters
6. Night of the Creeps
7. Dead Snow
8. Dead and Buried
9. Basket Case
10. Blood Junkie
Awful Horror Movies You Can Skip:
1. Puppet Master
2. The Prowler
3. Howling 3
4. Maniac
5. The Beast Within
Friday, November 9, 2012
Red Cross My Heart
I had time to kill after work, so I wandered around Westwood Village, and found a Red Cross RV in the farmer's market. The sign said I could save 3 Lives. I haven't saved anything in my life, except a few crickets and spiders that I found in my apartment, but even then, I probably crushed their legs in the crumpled up paper towel before shaking them out in the bush outside my door.
3 lives could put me on top again. I have little recollection of having to give a blood sample when I was a kid, and then getting a lemon cookie to ease my sorrow.
There was a girl sitting at a table with all the sign up stuff, so I made my decision and marched up to her. She warned me that there was a wait, and I said, "Oh yeah?" and she said, "It's going to be about 20 minutes," and I said, "That's not so bad."
I was worried that grabbing a quick bite to eat would spoil my blood, but she said it was actually a good thing. I promptly bought 7 perogis from a woman's stand and then ate them outside the blood van. It wasn't as good as I thought it would be, but at least it was hot. It was chilly outside, and sprinkling a bit.
"Museum of Oddities," the girl said, looking at the back of my horror magazine. "Where's that?"
"Uhh," I said, glancing down. "I don't know- oh, looks like it's in Texas."
I asked her if she liked horror movies. She said she liked thrillers more, but she wanted to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie.
I went around the corner and threw my paper plate away, and when I came back the girl said she thought I split.
"A lot of people do that."
The sign up girl said she was going to give blood before me, and I asked her if she was cool with needles. She told me she had a lot of tattoos, so clearly not. An actual needle that could puncture your entire arm there's a little difference there if you ask me.
The girl in front of me was disqualified from giving blood because of her trip to Jamaica, I guess for the Malaria risk.
"It's the thought that counts," I reminded her.
"Thanks," she said, taking her march of shame. Then it occurred to me that I'd been waiting nearly an hour, if I got rejected it would probably piss me off.
"Sorry son...you got shit in your veins."
"Oh you walked through piss alley on Wilcox- CONTAMINATED."
Finally, they took me into the Red Cross camper and they stuck me in what was the equivalent of an airplane's bathroom, but the doctor had to squeeze in and type at her computer. She asked me a series of questions, Name, Social Security, Date of Birth.
"Now I'm going to ask you something personal."
I actually braced myself, I read through their handbook earlier, it was probably something sexual.
"Decribe your first freudian dream in detail," she would ask, and I'd have to squirm and go to a very dark place. Or maybe she would come up with a doozy that would seal my doom,
"How many times did you masturbate this week?"
"Ummm, 17."
"That's too much, you're disqualified."
"Look, I just broke up with my girlfriend it's-"
"PUT THIS ON," she barks, slapping a sticker on me. It says, "YOU MASTURBATED TOO MUCH SO 3 PEOPLE ARE DEAD"
Anyway, the real question turned out to be,
"How much do you weigh?"
I guess some people have a thing about their weight.
"Somewhere between 190-195."
Moving on. When she put on the rubber gloves, I had that paranoid reaction that I'm sure everyone gets. The sound of a rubber glove being stretched over a hand is terrifying. Makes me panic like there's an insane procedure that I'm completely unaware of.
"I'm just going to jam my finger up your ass, to make sure your hemogoblins are paying attention."
"What? GAH!"
She took my blood pressure, pulse, and a blood sample. . Then she left so I could answer a series of questions on her computer.Scanned a list for medication I may have taken in the past, and then when i was done I opened the door to signal her I was ready. She came back in the room and reviewed my answers.
"Right or left arm," she asked me.
Aww yeah, we're in the running now.
I followed her to the operating area, took off my jacket, and laid on the padded table. They sterilized my arm with a wet goober, andthen they wrapped the rubber tubing around my arm tight- I didn't really look the entire time in case it was disturbing. I squeezed the rubber ball on command and the nurse frowned.
"You have a stubborn vein."
Oh great. With my luck they'll miss, bruise my arm and it'll be my fault. I gave an extra squeeze and my vein made a reluctant appearance.
"There you are...perfect."
It was anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes, staring at the ceiling and listening to the other nurses chat about shifts and chicken nuggets. My blood was filling up a bag somewhere below me, just out of my site.
The nurses kept an eye on me when I finally sat up.
"How do you feel?"
"So far so good," i said, with my arms out, in case I had to grab on for dear life.
They made me wait in the "Canteen" area where there was a cooler of water, a bunch of crackers, and sweets. I sat there for 15 minutes and excused myself when it was about that time.
I wore my "Gave Blood" sticker proudly and I wanted to tell everyone of my good deed. That's not really the point though is it... I guess I just wrote a blog about it.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Rejections
Just got a couple more today. It wouldn't be so bad, if I had ONE festival to look forward to, but I've just been getting pummeled so far. I day dream about a positive outcome quite a bit, and now the horrible reality is sinking in that I may not have a chance in fricken hell of getting this movie accepted ANYWHERE.
Most of the time its just been thoses automatic e-mails that are spat out to dozens of other filmmakers, but its even worse logging into my film festival account and going to the submissions status page, which brings me to the simple words in green, "NOT ACCEPTED" I'd rather have the generic e-mail, because that green stamp makes me feel like shit, haha.
They don't like the movie. It's too long. It's too weird. The picture quality sucks. The sound sucks. The dvd was fucked. There's no stars in it. The first ten minutes were boring. Not enough vampires. Who knows.
I'm only angry at myself because I know my audience is limited. If I paid more attention to this or that....screw it.
Anyway, I've been reading up about the indie scene that blew up in the 70's and 90's. Fascinating stuff. Most of the movies that became huge had rocky starts, or were panned by unimpressed critics. I know all I need is one champion. Is there someone out there that will say, "I gotta show this movie to so and so?" Maybe that person doesn't exist.
The Clerks documentary really opened my eyes to how some disappointing realities can turn into good fortune. They had this devastating screening where like four people showed up and the cast and crew were all there- the place had been three quarters full all week for other movies and the neighborhood was buzzing with activity. Their screening was a DISASTER, but the one old guy in the first row turned out to be their champion- and things quickly turned around for that crass little movie because that guy spread the word to the right people.
I know I should keep working on other projects or I'll go insane, but its been pretty tough. Self-loathing and eating junk food. Watching a ton of movies. Putting off phone calls to my dad in hopes that I'll have some kind of good news.
I watched a friend's play and it inspired me some. I started writing a bit again. I have to finish, "Glue Junkies" so if "Salivate" fails completely, I'll at least have a 30 minute short film to send out. Then if I get a good shooting script for, "Deadly Delivery" I can try to raise the money to make it. That movie will be way more commerical since it's full-out slasher comedy.
Honestly feel like a joke though. Maybe it's too early to feel this way. There's still 28 festivals to hear from!
of course if something great happens i won't be able to shut up about it. My false modesty would make a cat sick.
Most of the time its just been thoses automatic e-mails that are spat out to dozens of other filmmakers, but its even worse logging into my film festival account and going to the submissions status page, which brings me to the simple words in green, "NOT ACCEPTED" I'd rather have the generic e-mail, because that green stamp makes me feel like shit, haha.
They don't like the movie. It's too long. It's too weird. The picture quality sucks. The sound sucks. The dvd was fucked. There's no stars in it. The first ten minutes were boring. Not enough vampires. Who knows.
I'm only angry at myself because I know my audience is limited. If I paid more attention to this or that....screw it.
Anyway, I've been reading up about the indie scene that blew up in the 70's and 90's. Fascinating stuff. Most of the movies that became huge had rocky starts, or were panned by unimpressed critics. I know all I need is one champion. Is there someone out there that will say, "I gotta show this movie to so and so?" Maybe that person doesn't exist.
The Clerks documentary really opened my eyes to how some disappointing realities can turn into good fortune. They had this devastating screening where like four people showed up and the cast and crew were all there- the place had been three quarters full all week for other movies and the neighborhood was buzzing with activity. Their screening was a DISASTER, but the one old guy in the first row turned out to be their champion- and things quickly turned around for that crass little movie because that guy spread the word to the right people.
I know I should keep working on other projects or I'll go insane, but its been pretty tough. Self-loathing and eating junk food. Watching a ton of movies. Putting off phone calls to my dad in hopes that I'll have some kind of good news.
I watched a friend's play and it inspired me some. I started writing a bit again. I have to finish, "Glue Junkies" so if "Salivate" fails completely, I'll at least have a 30 minute short film to send out. Then if I get a good shooting script for, "Deadly Delivery" I can try to raise the money to make it. That movie will be way more commerical since it's full-out slasher comedy.
Honestly feel like a joke though. Maybe it's too early to feel this way. There's still 28 festivals to hear from!
of course if something great happens i won't be able to shut up about it. My false modesty would make a cat sick.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
A Day At Monsterpalooza
The line wasn't as bad as it looked. Maybe it's a good thing I got there by 11:30 because the fire marshalls showed up later and there was still a lot of people waiting outside by late afternoon. There were some performers in costumes keeping the crowd entertained outside, trying to scare unsuspecting women and children- (all in good fun of course) and cracking jokes left and right. It put me in a good mood and I was really glad I had decided to go, because I'd been tipping the scales left and right all week.
I only had Saturday off, so I'd miss out on a few guests, but Malcolm Mcdowell canceled anyway, and I really got pumped when I saw Joe Dante's post about Trailers From Hell (great website by the way) on facebook, so what the hell. I took out some money at the old B&A- enough where I wouldn't go back (not like last time's 4-5 trips) and spent most of what I had by the end of the day. These places are dangerous.
The idea of being in the same space as the last convention was kind of disappointing, but it was such a different setup that it felt like a completely different building. Plus the vibe was totally different- I swear I could be happy making horror movies for the rest of my life, just so I can be around these awesome people. Everyone is so cool and happy- plus the horror eye candy everywhere. If only I had the balls to network instead of stammering out my thanks.
It felt a bit more crowded and narrower, but I made a loop around the place to take it all in.
Lon Chaney with his makeup kit.
Getting made up to be "Darkness" from the movie LEGEND.
Disturbing apron. "Sure Bill I'll take another burger-SHIT!!!"
"YOU DIDN'T LOVE BLACK SWAN??!!!"
My first stop was with Julie Adams from Creature From The Black Lagoon. I haven't seen the movie since I was a kid, but its always stuck with me. Plus my brother and I used to go to church with the late Richard Denning, who also stars in the movie, so that was my opening for conversation with the actress. Now that I think of it, I think that was my very first autograph, Richard Denning signed my church program :) I must of been eight or nine.
Julie was extremely sweet and wanted to make sure she wrote the right thing on my picture, she was checking in with me, it was cute. Then we took a great photo with the creature itself and she recommended a visit to the museum section where I could enjoy more of the horror sculptures. Her assistant (her son) was extremely nice too, and the rest of the day people were just as friendly.
With Julie Adams and the Creature.
Next I visited Jesse Gee who was just as awkward as I was. He was in the corner with a cool setup with all his robots and ray guns made out of found metal objects. I forced myself to talk to him because I'm still warming up to people and was relieved to see he was a little uncomfortable too, or maybe just soft spoken. I prodded him a bit about his work, and he opened up about the different places he raided for junk, and how he would occasionally have to shape things himself when he has something very specific in mind. I spotted one of those spray guns you attach on a hose to water your lawn, but didn't recognize too many of the doo-dads that made up his creations. I told him it must be cool when parts fit so perfectly like they were married from the start, and he gave me a polite nod...now I sound like a weirdo, haha. I have a romanticized image of him working in a garage like a mad scientist, but I bet Jesse's work is fairly subdued. His business card is very cool and boasts, "MUNK MARVELOUS' MARVELOUS MACHINERY ROBOTS! RAYGUNS! AND MORE!" Robot Sculptures, Fine Custom Lamps, Replica Space Weapondry, and Science Fiction Artwork.
I also stopped to admire Don Lanning's incredible OZ sculptures, I gotta check out his website later.
Don Lanning and Tin Man
It was nice to see everyone's interest in The Chiodo Brothers. I remember the lousy turnout they had about ten years ago at Virgin Records. I had them to myself and I asked them if I could record them saying Happy Birthday to my brother and they humored me with, "Happy Birthday Barry...you should see the crowd! (laughs)"
They were selling Killer Klown popcorn which sold out pretty fast along with some fantastic prints and original clown sketches. There were Killer Klown t-shirts, one fan had them sign an awesome vinyl from The Dickies album with all the clown art work on the cover- very cool. They also had a great three-headed stop-motion dinosaur puppet that was fun to manipulate, along with an Elvira puppet. I debated forever and settled on a Killer Klown Popcorn print which they all signed. The Killer Klowns From Outer Space dvd is fantastic by the way, I especially love their Super 8 films from their childhood.
Later on Ed Gale humored me with anecdotes from The Howard The Duck set. He seemed surprised that I was interested in that particular movie, haha, but then he went straight into anecdotes reflecting his frustrations on set. He was dying for a cigar and dying in his suit, plus he could never see anything, so he memorized the blocking beforehand. Friggen nuts. It was his first gig and he wanted to give movies up altogether after that. I think it was supposed to be 5 weeks and then ended up 5 months or something. Anyway, he told me changed his mind with "Spaceballs" because he wouldn't be stuck in a suit and that part just required some glitter on his face, (Dink-Dink!) but at least he could BREATHE.
It was a nice surprise when Tom Holland showed up to say hi to Ed- Tom directed Child's Play and Ed doubled for Chucky running around.
Ed Gale (Child's Play) and director Tom Holland (Fright Night)
I talked to Belinda Belaski for a moment, since I just watched, "The Howling" the night before. Man that movie is great! I couldn't help but notice that she got a raw deal in every Joe Dante movie; she gets eaten in "Piranha", killed in "The Howling" and even in "Gremlins" Mrs. Deagle takes her house away, haha. She had her table set up next to Dee Wallace and playfully accused her of stealing her fans away.
Dee was preoccupied with a man making a serious pitch- "Blood for Boobies" or something crazy like that. The pitch took about 2 minutes and I couldn't tell if Dee was disgusted or not, she has a very patient poker face and remained consistently sweet through the whole ordeal. The guy got it all out of his system and left-he was actually very professional about it. I leaned in afterwards, "That was QUITE the pitch" and Dee laughed and apologised. I pointed out a great picture she had on the set of Cujo featuring her, Director Lewis Teague, and the guy in the dog suit all standing and performing a showgirl high-kick.
I ended up getting her spiritual healing book because it seemed like the thing she was really passionate about and it was her last copy. She gave me her e-mail so I could tell her if I liked the book, and she took this great picture with me. It's not the kind of book that I would usually read, but I'm interested because it goes into her acting career, and many of her characters are teetering on emotional collapse, and that had to be difficult to shake off. Color me interested.
Scream Queen Dee Wallace (The Howling, Cujo, ET)
Mr. Godzilla, Haruo Nakajima, was busy with a Q&A and I killed some time in the "Museum" As you can see form the pictures- very very cool.
Rotting Jack from "American Werewolf In London" Beware the moon David.
The Howling
Dummy from "Magic" with Anthony Hopkins. Eerie movie with one of the most disturbing teaser trailers- it got a lot of flack because it scared the crap out of kids. Check it out on youtube!
Leprechaun.
Maybe we should try a soup with a more flattering color.
Darkness from, "Legend"
Amazing detail on The Wolfman.
Freddy is ready for next year's Wrestlemania.
Ugly baby demon from Nightmare on Elm Street 5.
Nothing is more terrifying than a retiring Johnny Carson.
Mr. Dreyfus- big fan big fan! Oh, you're busy...and piranhas ate your face! Gotcha. Loved you in Kippendorf's Tribe. Cool dude.
"I was 12 going on 13 the first time I saw a dead body. It happened in the summer of 1959-a long time ago, but only if you measure in terms of years."
Spazmatic Gremlin from the sequel.
GIZ-MO...KAKA!
Here lies...ah-ah-ah nobody say the B-word!
Abbot and Costello Meet The Frankenstein Monster
I got the biggest kick out of the talking Jack from, "American Werewolf In London" spouting off his best lines, "Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring." That movie will always be a major influence on me, and Joe Dante's The Howling and Gremlins are not far behind. Wicked horror comedy at its finest.
I waited in line for 30 minutes for Haruo because the line was nuts earlier. Enjoyed people watching in their various stages of makeup. "Darkness" from LEGEND was marching around, along with some ghoulish cuties. I started to think about director Larry Cohen and how he didn't have a booth anywhere, so I started going through the Monsterpalooza map to double-check. Maybe he was only showing up to the panel. He didn't show up at the New Beverly for the American Grindhouse screening, so who knows if he'd show up today.
Mr. Nakajima showed up and I bought a Godzilla movie for him to sign. With no spoken words between us (I don't think he can speak English anyway) I have to say I got this amazing vibe from him. So much warmth in his handshake and he gave me a huge smile- I love how he pumped his fist in the air when we took a picture together, I wish I had matched it. Hes played Godzilla in 12 movies and toughed it out through burns, bruises, electrocution and near suffocation! That day he was raising money for Japan relief and everyone was in awe of him.
Haruo Nakajima!
I spotted Larry Cohen and followed him through the hotel to the American Grindhouse panel- he had a "date" and I got the courage to ask him for an autograph when he was just waiting around. Phew, that was easy.
The panel was great because of Joe Dante (Innerspace, Gremlins 1&2, The Howling) Bill Lustig (Maniac Cop, Vigilante) Larry Cohen, (Q The Winged Serpent, Black Caesar, God Told Me To, It's Alive) and Jack Hill (Coffy, Spider Baby, Foxy Brown, Switchblade Sisters)- legends. I loved their stories about 42nd Street and the frustrating demise of the movie going experience. I'll paraphrase some of my favorite ramblings.
"They used to have an usher walking up and down the rows with a baseball bat. Steel toed boots. My favorite was every once in awhile they'd spray air freshener over the audience- little Lysol can."
"It didn't help."
"There were cats running around in the theatre"
"To get the rats."
"RIGHT for the rats, and you'd hear a crinkle from them running into a popcorn bag and everybody would sit like this with their legs up."
Bill also mentioned how one guy would strategically released movies on "Mother's Day" after the first of every month because that's when mothers would get their welfare checks, hence, mother's day.
I think Joe Dante was saying that they'd turn up the heat in the theatre to sell more sodas, but you never wanted to drink anything through a triple-feature because you didn't want to have to piss- you couldn't make it through three movies, and then have to go into the bathroom downstairs where it was beyond seedy."
"The few that went down there would never come back"
"Or they'd return with smiles," Cohen cracked.
"It was a good thing it was dark, you really didn't want to see what was going on."
Bill was great to watch because he was having some major flashbacks and he got all excited about reminiscing, swapping stories with Dante on the ultra-cheap meals they'd get in the area "Steak slathered in this yellow liquid, it was supposed to be butter" and how one guy thought he had a great title for his movie, "The Molesters", until someone in the audience yelled out, "The Mole-sters!" so his friend immediately changed it.
Jack Hill is a fan of audience participation and said his favorite thing yelled at the screen is, "Kill 'Em!"
Bill went on about how audiences now are so withdrawn and uninvolved with the movie, like they're sitting in their living room texting. They shared a glint of hope discussing the midnight movie audiences, and Bill gave "The Room" sort of an unintentional plug,
"Have you seen this fucking movie? It's terrible, but it sells out!"
"They shouldn't start showing movies until midnight." Larry said, which got some applause.
Maybe it was just some old-timers complaining about prices and how everything back then was better, but I have to agree. The movie going experience is fading fast, and it's a fucking shame. Thank goodness for places like The New Beverly.
Director Larry Cohen (Hell Up In Harlem, The Stuff)
I used to hate this review that Quentin Tarantino gave the Arclight Hollywood theatre. For one I worked there, and I didn't think it was fair that he bitched about the fanciness and lack of a trashy atmosphere- it certainly didn't stop him from coming. Now I kind of get it. The experience is becoming expensive and sterile. As a filmmaker you'd want to hear the audience go nuts, but as a movie-goer I personally want people to shut the hell up. On the other hand, it means something else when audiences are actually invested in the movie. That excitement is contagious. There's something special about those crummy, worn out, sticky floor, weird 7-Eleven/piss smelling, squeaky seat theatres, where there's a 50-50 chance projectionists will screw up your viewing experience. As a kid, it's one of the coolest places in the world, and it's a crazy energy when those lights come down. Holy shit, I'm finally about to see this movie!
On the way out I saw director Mick Garris (The Stand) had stopped by to support the Trailers From Hell dvd. Nice guy.
I also saw Don Glut, the subject of the documentary, "I Was A Teenage Movie Maker" I have his dvd at home, it has something like 40 of his super 8 and 16mm shorts- he also does commentaries on every damn one of them! He was a huge monster/superhero nerd and made a ton of werewolf/Spiderman shorts with his childhood friends. Featuring lots of creaky but charming effects, and his movies got better and better as he got older obviously. He also tries some stop motion and gets away with some dangerous stuntwork. I probably should've talked to the guy, but he looked preoccupied.
Joe Turkel who played "Lloyd The Bartender" in The Shining. He was showing off a great photo on set where a mysterious ghost showed up- nobody could identify the face in the photo- creeped Kubrick out.
My favorite display, "Midnight Stroll"
This guy wrote a romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl!
Another Real Sex interview.
"Sure come on in! Coffee's hot, make yourself at home, there's some leftover Chinese in the fridge- we got Tivo if you wanna record something- sometimes I record Malcolm In The Middle- OH and we got an XBox! We got Wi- haha, get it? We-we? You ever watch Tosh? Me neither, but I heard it's funny."
"How do you keep it together monster? I hate dressing up for weddings, this stupid tie is choking me! I should be sitting on a rock looking at a moon and pinching a couple of wolfie nuggets- this aint' no place for a beast let me tell ya!"
"Aww great, who's this douchebag?"
"Hey everybody, just wanna say, we JUST...SOLD... OUR TENTH TWILIGHT YOGA WORKOUT VIDEO. I didn't think we could do it, but...well, it's a franchise! I liked it! The books were better, I agree."
Okay, got that out of my system...sorry about that.
Anyway, I'm sure I barely scraped the surface, but I had another blast. Really hope I get to experience a horror film festival this year, because I'm all pumped up to see some movies.
with herpes,
Marty
I only had Saturday off, so I'd miss out on a few guests, but Malcolm Mcdowell canceled anyway, and I really got pumped when I saw Joe Dante's post about Trailers From Hell (great website by the way) on facebook, so what the hell. I took out some money at the old B&A- enough where I wouldn't go back (not like last time's 4-5 trips) and spent most of what I had by the end of the day. These places are dangerous.
The idea of being in the same space as the last convention was kind of disappointing, but it was such a different setup that it felt like a completely different building. Plus the vibe was totally different- I swear I could be happy making horror movies for the rest of my life, just so I can be around these awesome people. Everyone is so cool and happy- plus the horror eye candy everywhere. If only I had the balls to network instead of stammering out my thanks.
It felt a bit more crowded and narrower, but I made a loop around the place to take it all in.
Lon Chaney with his makeup kit.
Getting made up to be "Darkness" from the movie LEGEND.
Disturbing apron. "Sure Bill I'll take another burger-SHIT!!!"
"YOU DIDN'T LOVE BLACK SWAN??!!!"
My first stop was with Julie Adams from Creature From The Black Lagoon. I haven't seen the movie since I was a kid, but its always stuck with me. Plus my brother and I used to go to church with the late Richard Denning, who also stars in the movie, so that was my opening for conversation with the actress. Now that I think of it, I think that was my very first autograph, Richard Denning signed my church program :) I must of been eight or nine.
Julie was extremely sweet and wanted to make sure she wrote the right thing on my picture, she was checking in with me, it was cute. Then we took a great photo with the creature itself and she recommended a visit to the museum section where I could enjoy more of the horror sculptures. Her assistant (her son) was extremely nice too, and the rest of the day people were just as friendly.
With Julie Adams and the Creature.
Next I visited Jesse Gee who was just as awkward as I was. He was in the corner with a cool setup with all his robots and ray guns made out of found metal objects. I forced myself to talk to him because I'm still warming up to people and was relieved to see he was a little uncomfortable too, or maybe just soft spoken. I prodded him a bit about his work, and he opened up about the different places he raided for junk, and how he would occasionally have to shape things himself when he has something very specific in mind. I spotted one of those spray guns you attach on a hose to water your lawn, but didn't recognize too many of the doo-dads that made up his creations. I told him it must be cool when parts fit so perfectly like they were married from the start, and he gave me a polite nod...now I sound like a weirdo, haha. I have a romanticized image of him working in a garage like a mad scientist, but I bet Jesse's work is fairly subdued. His business card is very cool and boasts, "MUNK MARVELOUS' MARVELOUS MACHINERY ROBOTS! RAYGUNS! AND MORE!" Robot Sculptures, Fine Custom Lamps, Replica Space Weapondry, and Science Fiction Artwork.
I also stopped to admire Don Lanning's incredible OZ sculptures, I gotta check out his website later.
Don Lanning and Tin Man
It was nice to see everyone's interest in The Chiodo Brothers. I remember the lousy turnout they had about ten years ago at Virgin Records. I had them to myself and I asked them if I could record them saying Happy Birthday to my brother and they humored me with, "Happy Birthday Barry...you should see the crowd! (laughs)"
They were selling Killer Klown popcorn which sold out pretty fast along with some fantastic prints and original clown sketches. There were Killer Klown t-shirts, one fan had them sign an awesome vinyl from The Dickies album with all the clown art work on the cover- very cool. They also had a great three-headed stop-motion dinosaur puppet that was fun to manipulate, along with an Elvira puppet. I debated forever and settled on a Killer Klown Popcorn print which they all signed. The Killer Klowns From Outer Space dvd is fantastic by the way, I especially love their Super 8 films from their childhood.
Later on Ed Gale humored me with anecdotes from The Howard The Duck set. He seemed surprised that I was interested in that particular movie, haha, but then he went straight into anecdotes reflecting his frustrations on set. He was dying for a cigar and dying in his suit, plus he could never see anything, so he memorized the blocking beforehand. Friggen nuts. It was his first gig and he wanted to give movies up altogether after that. I think it was supposed to be 5 weeks and then ended up 5 months or something. Anyway, he told me changed his mind with "Spaceballs" because he wouldn't be stuck in a suit and that part just required some glitter on his face, (Dink-Dink!) but at least he could BREATHE.
It was a nice surprise when Tom Holland showed up to say hi to Ed- Tom directed Child's Play and Ed doubled for Chucky running around.
Ed Gale (Child's Play) and director Tom Holland (Fright Night)
I talked to Belinda Belaski for a moment, since I just watched, "The Howling" the night before. Man that movie is great! I couldn't help but notice that she got a raw deal in every Joe Dante movie; she gets eaten in "Piranha", killed in "The Howling" and even in "Gremlins" Mrs. Deagle takes her house away, haha. She had her table set up next to Dee Wallace and playfully accused her of stealing her fans away.
Dee was preoccupied with a man making a serious pitch- "Blood for Boobies" or something crazy like that. The pitch took about 2 minutes and I couldn't tell if Dee was disgusted or not, she has a very patient poker face and remained consistently sweet through the whole ordeal. The guy got it all out of his system and left-he was actually very professional about it. I leaned in afterwards, "That was QUITE the pitch" and Dee laughed and apologised. I pointed out a great picture she had on the set of Cujo featuring her, Director Lewis Teague, and the guy in the dog suit all standing and performing a showgirl high-kick.
I ended up getting her spiritual healing book because it seemed like the thing she was really passionate about and it was her last copy. She gave me her e-mail so I could tell her if I liked the book, and she took this great picture with me. It's not the kind of book that I would usually read, but I'm interested because it goes into her acting career, and many of her characters are teetering on emotional collapse, and that had to be difficult to shake off. Color me interested.
Scream Queen Dee Wallace (The Howling, Cujo, ET)
Mr. Godzilla, Haruo Nakajima, was busy with a Q&A and I killed some time in the "Museum" As you can see form the pictures- very very cool.
Rotting Jack from "American Werewolf In London" Beware the moon David.
The Howling
Dummy from "Magic" with Anthony Hopkins. Eerie movie with one of the most disturbing teaser trailers- it got a lot of flack because it scared the crap out of kids. Check it out on youtube!
Leprechaun.
Maybe we should try a soup with a more flattering color.
Darkness from, "Legend"
Amazing detail on The Wolfman.
Freddy is ready for next year's Wrestlemania.
Ugly baby demon from Nightmare on Elm Street 5.
Nothing is more terrifying than a retiring Johnny Carson.
Mr. Dreyfus- big fan big fan! Oh, you're busy...and piranhas ate your face! Gotcha. Loved you in Kippendorf's Tribe. Cool dude.
"I was 12 going on 13 the first time I saw a dead body. It happened in the summer of 1959-a long time ago, but only if you measure in terms of years."
Spazmatic Gremlin from the sequel.
GIZ-MO...KAKA!
Here lies...ah-ah-ah nobody say the B-word!
Abbot and Costello Meet The Frankenstein Monster
I got the biggest kick out of the talking Jack from, "American Werewolf In London" spouting off his best lines, "Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring." That movie will always be a major influence on me, and Joe Dante's The Howling and Gremlins are not far behind. Wicked horror comedy at its finest.
I waited in line for 30 minutes for Haruo because the line was nuts earlier. Enjoyed people watching in their various stages of makeup. "Darkness" from LEGEND was marching around, along with some ghoulish cuties. I started to think about director Larry Cohen and how he didn't have a booth anywhere, so I started going through the Monsterpalooza map to double-check. Maybe he was only showing up to the panel. He didn't show up at the New Beverly for the American Grindhouse screening, so who knows if he'd show up today.
Mr. Nakajima showed up and I bought a Godzilla movie for him to sign. With no spoken words between us (I don't think he can speak English anyway) I have to say I got this amazing vibe from him. So much warmth in his handshake and he gave me a huge smile- I love how he pumped his fist in the air when we took a picture together, I wish I had matched it. Hes played Godzilla in 12 movies and toughed it out through burns, bruises, electrocution and near suffocation! That day he was raising money for Japan relief and everyone was in awe of him.
Haruo Nakajima!
I spotted Larry Cohen and followed him through the hotel to the American Grindhouse panel- he had a "date" and I got the courage to ask him for an autograph when he was just waiting around. Phew, that was easy.
The panel was great because of Joe Dante (Innerspace, Gremlins 1&2, The Howling) Bill Lustig (Maniac Cop, Vigilante) Larry Cohen, (Q The Winged Serpent, Black Caesar, God Told Me To, It's Alive) and Jack Hill (Coffy, Spider Baby, Foxy Brown, Switchblade Sisters)- legends. I loved their stories about 42nd Street and the frustrating demise of the movie going experience. I'll paraphrase some of my favorite ramblings.
"They used to have an usher walking up and down the rows with a baseball bat. Steel toed boots. My favorite was every once in awhile they'd spray air freshener over the audience- little Lysol can."
"It didn't help."
"There were cats running around in the theatre"
"To get the rats."
"RIGHT for the rats, and you'd hear a crinkle from them running into a popcorn bag and everybody would sit like this with their legs up."
Bill also mentioned how one guy would strategically released movies on "Mother's Day" after the first of every month because that's when mothers would get their welfare checks, hence, mother's day.
I think Joe Dante was saying that they'd turn up the heat in the theatre to sell more sodas, but you never wanted to drink anything through a triple-feature because you didn't want to have to piss- you couldn't make it through three movies, and then have to go into the bathroom downstairs where it was beyond seedy."
"The few that went down there would never come back"
"Or they'd return with smiles," Cohen cracked.
"It was a good thing it was dark, you really didn't want to see what was going on."
Bill was great to watch because he was having some major flashbacks and he got all excited about reminiscing, swapping stories with Dante on the ultra-cheap meals they'd get in the area "Steak slathered in this yellow liquid, it was supposed to be butter" and how one guy thought he had a great title for his movie, "The Molesters", until someone in the audience yelled out, "The Mole-sters!" so his friend immediately changed it.
Jack Hill is a fan of audience participation and said his favorite thing yelled at the screen is, "Kill 'Em!"
Bill went on about how audiences now are so withdrawn and uninvolved with the movie, like they're sitting in their living room texting. They shared a glint of hope discussing the midnight movie audiences, and Bill gave "The Room" sort of an unintentional plug,
"Have you seen this fucking movie? It's terrible, but it sells out!"
"They shouldn't start showing movies until midnight." Larry said, which got some applause.
Maybe it was just some old-timers complaining about prices and how everything back then was better, but I have to agree. The movie going experience is fading fast, and it's a fucking shame. Thank goodness for places like The New Beverly.
Director Larry Cohen (Hell Up In Harlem, The Stuff)
I used to hate this review that Quentin Tarantino gave the Arclight Hollywood theatre. For one I worked there, and I didn't think it was fair that he bitched about the fanciness and lack of a trashy atmosphere- it certainly didn't stop him from coming. Now I kind of get it. The experience is becoming expensive and sterile. As a filmmaker you'd want to hear the audience go nuts, but as a movie-goer I personally want people to shut the hell up. On the other hand, it means something else when audiences are actually invested in the movie. That excitement is contagious. There's something special about those crummy, worn out, sticky floor, weird 7-Eleven/piss smelling, squeaky seat theatres, where there's a 50-50 chance projectionists will screw up your viewing experience. As a kid, it's one of the coolest places in the world, and it's a crazy energy when those lights come down. Holy shit, I'm finally about to see this movie!
On the way out I saw director Mick Garris (The Stand) had stopped by to support the Trailers From Hell dvd. Nice guy.
I also saw Don Glut, the subject of the documentary, "I Was A Teenage Movie Maker" I have his dvd at home, it has something like 40 of his super 8 and 16mm shorts- he also does commentaries on every damn one of them! He was a huge monster/superhero nerd and made a ton of werewolf/Spiderman shorts with his childhood friends. Featuring lots of creaky but charming effects, and his movies got better and better as he got older obviously. He also tries some stop motion and gets away with some dangerous stuntwork. I probably should've talked to the guy, but he looked preoccupied.
Joe Turkel who played "Lloyd The Bartender" in The Shining. He was showing off a great photo on set where a mysterious ghost showed up- nobody could identify the face in the photo- creeped Kubrick out.
My favorite display, "Midnight Stroll"
This guy wrote a romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl!
Another Real Sex interview.
"Sure come on in! Coffee's hot, make yourself at home, there's some leftover Chinese in the fridge- we got Tivo if you wanna record something- sometimes I record Malcolm In The Middle- OH and we got an XBox! We got Wi- haha, get it? We-we? You ever watch Tosh? Me neither, but I heard it's funny."
"How do you keep it together monster? I hate dressing up for weddings, this stupid tie is choking me! I should be sitting on a rock looking at a moon and pinching a couple of wolfie nuggets- this aint' no place for a beast let me tell ya!"
"Aww great, who's this douchebag?"
"Hey everybody, just wanna say, we JUST...SOLD... OUR TENTH TWILIGHT YOGA WORKOUT VIDEO. I didn't think we could do it, but...well, it's a franchise! I liked it! The books were better, I agree."
Okay, got that out of my system...sorry about that.
Anyway, I'm sure I barely scraped the surface, but I had another blast. Really hope I get to experience a horror film festival this year, because I'm all pumped up to see some movies.
with herpes,
Marty
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Salivate (from a short story idea) 6/18/2003
I started using the title, "Salivate" quite awhile ago, I thought this was an interesting opening to one of those random things I've never finished.
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It was a moment of clarity for me. Watching my father destroy that plate of chocolate
dipped strawberries my mother had just finished arranging on the dining-room table. She
had turned off the living-room lights and moved a lamp near the food so it could cast a
dull, but warm glow over the dessert. I remember looking at the crystal dish with the
strawberries positioned side-by-side, forming a circle... and the chocolate sauce looping all
around the rose etchings in the design, weaving in and out. It reminded me of a trail that a
pair of ice-skaters might leave on a frozen lake.
She even sprayed the strawberries with water, giving them that fresh, mouth watering
shine.
It wasn't for the guests to eat, I realize that now. This was her masterpiece. Her life's
work.
Dad walked in and grabbed a strawberry, popped one in his mouth. He gave a sound of
approval and my mom let out a groan like she had been kicked in the stomach.
"What the hell is the matter with you," he asked, reaching for another.
"Those are for the guests," she whined.
He frowned and popped in another strawberry.
"What, I can't eat my own food now?"
Her hands were mashed against her face and the moaning grew louder.
"They're good," he added. "You should make these more."
"I'll never make it again."
He laughed with a mouthful.
"What are you talking about?"
Mom stepped forward and grabbed the plate off the table while Dad was still reaching for
more.
"What are you doing," he demanded.
"I'm throwing them out," she muttered and marched back to the kitchen.
"What are you nuts, bring them back- I thought you wanted to leave them out for
company."
"You ruined it." Her voice was small from the kitchen.
Something about that statement infuriated my father. He stormed into the kitchen and a
moment later there was a sharp sound, followed by a tinkle.
"See," he barked, "Now THAT'S RUINED- happy now? What do you have for a main
course, maybe I can ruin that too before anyone else can have a taste."
"You ruined it...you ruined it."
She just kept saying that. Even after he slapped her twice. I almost laughed when I heard
it. It was too funny. He was slapping her over strawberries. She was shattered from the
moment he laid a finger on that plate. Like he had just taken a crayon and drew a
smiley-face over her oil-painting.
"You ruined it...you ruined it," she babbled, even after he was gone. Standing alone in the
kitchen, staring down at the cold tiles that were now smeared with a mish-mash of
squished up strawberries and broken glass.
My mother was insane.
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