The Chain Letter Of Dire Consequences

If you read this you will die in the next 24 hours unless you pass this on to a minimum of 5 people on your friend's list.
Oh shit, I just proof-read what I just wrote I'm going to fucking die! (forward forward forward forward...) FUCK, I only have four friends, who can I befriend in the next 24 hours?
"YOU THERE!"
"Who Me?'
"YES, YOU BOY! What day is it?"
"WHY, It's Christmas morning sir!"
"THEN BUY ME THE BIGGEST GOOSE IN ALL THE LAND!" (flips him a coin) "AND BUY YOURSELF A SEVENTEEN FOOT LONG CUSTARD ROLL! MAKE SURE THE FILLING IS FRESH THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN A PASTRY WITH 2 YEAR OLD CUSTARD! BY tHE WAY HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
"Seven!"
"WELL I'LL BE A MONKEY'S NUTSACK! OFF YOU GO! DON'T KEEP THE CHANGE BUT CHANGE YOUR DEMEANOR- and for GOD SAKES YOUR TOES ARE POKING OUT OF YOUR TOE SOCKS!"
"But my toes need to breathe-"
"I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! If you REALLY want to breathe I'll take you to an oxygen bar and get you drunk and take advantage of you! Just kidding, I don't like little boys, OR DO I? Don't look at me that way- I'M EDGY! OFF YOU GO!"
"I shall report you to the authorities!"
"Tell them I have seven infants buried in my back yard while you're at it!"
"Seven?"
"YES THAT NUMBER DOES KEEP COMING UP DOESN'T IT? AIN'T THAT A DOOZLE! QUIT STALLING THE CUSTARDS ARE CALLING!"
"Yes sir!"
"Hmmm...maybe I should've filtered myself a bit, the boy is young and he probably doesn't know what a nutsack is, let alone a monkey's"
(curtain drops)
(massive applause)
"AU-THOR, AU-THOR!"
(Martin appears on the stage and an overhead projection of his nutsack appears above him on a screen. He throws his arm up with a welcoming gesture. The applause dies down)
"For...the seven year olds."
(the theater explodes with admiration)
(Martin pours gasoline on himself)
"THIS IS FOR MARGARET THATCHER!"
(he lights a match, bursts into flames)
"GYAHHHHHH!!!!"
(the audience flees for the exits, applauding for their lives)
seriously, now you're going to die since you read this. If you don't forward this immediately someone you know will die first. If this appears in your junk mail then your mailman has died. If you move the junkmail to your inbox then the junkman has died, and has left a bag of recyclables weighing 50 pounds (there's money to be had in cans!)
Better yet though, if you disregard this, then expect a menu on your door to a local Thai restaurant- TOMORROW. If you don't have a door, Im afraid your armchair will collapse the next time you scramble scramble eggs. :(
we're all losers in the end.