10 Ways To Save Face (or impress) While Pissing Your Pants.

1.(waving hands around crotch)  "ALA KA-ZAM!  FLIM-FLAM!"

2. (checks watch)  "7 seconds- beat my record."

3. "My Spidey sense is tinkling."

4. "You think that's impressive..."  (any conversation)

5. (in deep bass voice sing)  OLLLLLD MANNNNN RI-VERRRRR. (it's better if you're wearing suspenders that day to stick your thumbs in)

6. "This goes out to all the mothafuckas out there...who been stuck in a theatre...and the movie was almost over, but you didn't want to miss the bomb ex-splodin..."

7. In response to, "Could you be any grosser?"

8. "I used to wet my bed all the time...BUT...that was a long time ago." (looks down)

9. "Piss on this progressive sidewalk!  Used to be nothing here but farms and green trees from all the eye can see!"

10. (looks down, looks up wisely- squinty-eyed) 

"Someone's coming."